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Archive for February, 2009

I don’t have anything intelligent to say…

Originally I wanted to write a clever post about what it’s like to deal with racists every day in one’s place of business or in daily interactions, but I am too worn down for that.

I unfortunately can’t give too many details, but I am so tired of racism in my everyday life! It is exhausting.

I know it was worse in many ways for generations past, but I also believe that things are difficult in a new way now; our parents & grandparents didn’t have this burden of “pretend integration” that we do now, which is strange and surreal. People discuss race in this odd, superficial way; as if they are really making progress. In many ways, things haven’t changed in the slightest.

Race has been discussed in a  new way in recent years; first with Katrina (when several obviously racist email jokes were passed around my office) and now with Obama.

Incidentally, if anyone spoke cleverly about race recently, it was Eric Holder, who was quite blunt and forceful about the subject. He is even more tired than I am.

Follow Your Hearts, Girls [Engaged!]

On the personal front, I have a wonderful boyfriend now and things started to go well. We’d been hinting around about marriage and lifetime stuff, and we’re in love. So one day I mentioned to him how I feel.

I have to stop here and say that this was incredibly hard for me. One one hand, I really felt like I should be honest and my gut feeling was to tell him how I felt — that I want to be married and wondered if he felt the same. But on the other, I couldn’t believe how hard it was to take that step. Not only did I have some fear — what if he disagrees? — but there was an overwhelming sense that I *shouldn’t* be the one to say something about marriage.

In my head were all those stereotypes, those images of desperate women chasing men down the aisle, the echoes of misguided feminists, the remnants of all those Cosmo headlines I tried so hard not to pay attention to, all conspiring to help me keep my mouth shut.

Eventually, I thought, “Who cares?!” I decided long ago that I’d never live ONE MORE DAY in a relationship where I couldn’t say just how I felt, and it’s likely that my boyfriend loves that quality about me anyway. So I timidly brought the subject up, and guess what! He was waiting for me to bring the subject up.

And now, we’re engaged!

Quit listening to Cosmo, SATC, and the feminists that tell you to pretend you don’t want to be married. Be honest with yourself. Speak up. Follow your hearts, girls.

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“He’s Not That Into You” is a stupid catchphrase

The ridiculousness that is HJNIY is everywhere.

When the phrase first became a sensation, and the book came out, I was naïve and vulnerable enough to think that maybe I should jump on the HJNIY bandwagon. I berated myself for thinking that it just seems so mean; the answer to every relationship problem is to remind yourself that you have been summarily rejected? I couldn’t get into it.

But what seemed like vulnerability then was just my instincts at work. The phrase is stupid, and it just perpetuates everything wrong with our current “romantic comedy” culture. Why are we supposed to be empowered by a phrase that reminds us that we are a victim, that places the blame on some stupid guy for our pain?

I think the phrase should be replaced by something like, “You need to move on.” As in, “if he’s not calling you, you need to move on.”  I think this would be a great way to remind us that we are the agents of change in our lives, instead of helping us dwell on something so painful. Why do we keep spending money on examples of horrible, dysfunctional relationships?

In better news, there is a movie I really want to see: Coraline. It looks like it will be fun!

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